Looking at others' experiences

I've found a couple of interesting blogs by owners/masters, unfortunately one that I related to very well has ceased posting on the subject and, while other parts of his and his partner's life are also great reading I do miss the comments on the subject of D/s, such as the following.


"The problem that I have been having is that a lot of websites dealing with this are mostly dealing with the feelings of the psychology from a submissive point of view. Why is it, that these feelings can easily be classified for submissives, yet there is no website out there that deals with the Dominant side of things. No set of `tools` that would help a Dominant understand these issues and help them to enhance the relationship. It's almost like Doms are to know-it-all. Aren't we humans after all? Do we not have our own issues and emotional bagage to deal with?

I guess that is one of the major parts I am struggling with, at the moment. Do I want more control .. yes but how do I go about implementing this. A good example is `reactance`. It's a description of how a submissive will fight certain aspects of the control. But it is not said how a Dom deals with the fact that if the submissive tells him where to stick it. A Dom might be able to tell that the sub is reacting against his orders, but what tools does he have at his disposal?

Does he punish her? This could be one way, but would punishment really deal with the underlying issue? I tend to believe this is certainly not the case. One way would be talking, but what if both parties have talked and debated the issue, and no agreement can be reached? Do you just waltz over the issue and pretend to ignore the muttering and the fingered salute that is given behind your back?

I guess my problem is, that I have trouble at the moment to grasp where to go from here. How to implement structures that increase the submissiveness, without it becoming a forced affair. How to keep the relationship alive and blossoming without grinding it slowly to a halt in stricter and stricter rules.

I was just thinking of a quote I have: From the point of view of a typical dominant, most are also primarily looking for a relationship and many are themselves exploring their dominance as they go, unsure of exactly what they want, or how to teach or even ask it of a submissive, to say nothing of how lost they are when the submissive says no. Their focus is more on finding someone who matches and compliments themselves and then exploring with the submissive only what interests them. I am not sure where this comes from or who the orginal source is, but it is true in a way."

I'm not going to bother with the link as the blog owner has specifically said he is no longer interested in discussing his D/s relationship, he is just living it. Another blog that is being kept up has had a couple of good posts but I'm reserving judgment until I read a few more, if I still like it I'll add it to my blogroll.

Mitdasein