Long day to finish up a long week

I'm not good at dealing with sulking. I've been harsh with both of my subs over it on numerous occasions. But today it is my boss at work sulking, and I don't have the option of ordering him not to do it. *sigh*

emmie and E. are going to see the new Harry Potter movie, so mitda and I have date night at home tonight. I feel sleepy more than anything but I have coffee and adderall planned for my arrival home, which should put me back in decent waking form.

Going to hang in here for 20 odd more minutes then get in the old Saab and head home. I have everything I've been given done, tested, debugged and checked in and I'm bored and falling asleep.

Mitdasein

Sexy Night

Tonight our quad just fell into a sexy feeling together and everything just flowed, so to speak ; ).  mitda, bound and locked to the bed at her wrists, was being softly played with by E while I started to smack her a little.  emmie  started to kiss me a little and I flattened mitda on the bed and began to sodomize her.  As we started to fuck E took emmie and put her on her knees, and slowly, gently slid himself into her ass.  This has been an issue due to E's unusually large size but tonight she was relaxed, pliant and ready, and as he slid further into her she squeezed and fucked on his cock with her ass, as I'd taught her.   Once he was fully penetrated and she was comfortable he started to fuck her in and out, slowly at first but building until he was fucking her into oblivion.  I continued to fuck mitda on her stomach, then turned her over and took her with her legs pointed at the sky, so she could watch E and emelina.

After everyone had finished we slept, but for some reason I woke up shortly after midnight and, thinking it was early morning, woke mitda from her mat at the foot of our bed, unlocked her and told her to make coffee.   Our activity woke up emelina and eventually even E, who usually sleeps like the dead.  mitda began by going down on me while emmie and I made out.   Then mitda asked if I would go down on her and I said yes, and told her to put her knees around my head and lower herself to my mouth.  Emmie took the opportunity to continue what mitda had been doing for me, and seeing E awake, mitda started to suck his cock while I licked her, something she doesn't usually like as she likes to concentrate on sucking properly and being licked prevents that. 

Somewhere in the middle of all this, still fully believing it was nearly dawn, I asked mitda for my adderall script, to take my morning dose and get ready for the day.  After we finished and I finally noticed that it was 1:40a it hit me that I wasn't sleeping the rest of the night.  I lay down for a while and drifted to neu! on the winamp.  Then I woke up and mitda gave me a coffee, we went for cigs and then decided to go to the office to make her come a few times.  Shortly after we started emmie knocked on the door and joined us, and emmie and I fisted mitda in both holes until she was in full on subspace and coming over and over.  As a denouement to this section emmie got on her knees, mitda beside her lying on her back, and I fisted both of them together until they came together on command.

We have plans for an early morning threesome after mitda has a llittle nap.  I will post if we do anything interesting.  Sexual domination is incredibly fulfilling and often the place where D/s starts.  It reinforces the slaves' position as owned and enhances the dom's sense of control and responsibility.

Mitdasein

Happy Monday

mitda and emelina apparently had a pretty good day today, culminating in sex. I on the other hand had a nasty day of bugs in the code (not mine) turn around as I managed to find workarounds and get all the main data flow working for the project.

I talked to my D/s buddy at work about a coming up munch next week and he's planning to attend, which will allow him to meet mitda and emelina without requiring I invite him to our place. He's not poly with his slave, which is good in a way as I don't have any pressure to share my pair :). I enjoy seeing mitda with other people and probably would with emmie but it has to be the right person, and I'm not sure about him as yet. Some work hours and a couple of short lunches hasn't proven enough for me to gauge him.

mitda's last experience with another dom wasn't the best. He turned out to be more the dominant sadist than the sadistic dominant type (more on this differentiation later). Suffice it to say she cut the playtime to only a couple of hours, went for dinner and then left without staying the night as had been planned. emmie isn't ready to be shared as of yet, i don't think, other than sexually of course with her husband and mitda.

Now that emmie's two boys are home playtime is more precious and playspace harder to come by. The older one is definitely more autistic and less aspies-like and for that reason more of a challenge for me to deal with.

Mitdasein

Slaves on the Downward Spiral

I went to bed in a bad mood last night and woke up in a worse one.  So I've spent from 2am till now pretty much working on my RS/6000 server and feeling pissy.

I'm not the only one.  Both through conversations and reading their blogs I have been well apprised that both of my slaves are down, depressed, suicidal, etc.  Not that this is the first time such things have happened, they both by chance are bipolar, as am I, and handling moodiness is a sine qua non of this relationship.

Unfortunately when it's all of us it becomes difficult to look to each other for the support we so desperately need.  emelina feels like a third wheel, mitda feels "not good enough", and me, well, I feel like I'm neither doing my job as their master nor helping myself in any way.

Mitdasein

Coming up with better plans

The need for one on one time, both from my slaves' and my own perspective, remains a real one.  But slicing up my time just doesn't work, for a myriad of reasons.  If I'm not "up for the cup", have other pressing matters, etc. during proscribed one on one time it is difficult for either mitda or emelina to accept that their time gets cut short, or doesn't happen at all.  And in a poly household we remain a family of four adults plus miscellaneous offspring, and the interaction of all four of us on a regular basis has become very interfered with.

So I'm ending this particular little experiment.  mitda and I were up early as usual today but I had things to do on our server, compiling some new software, doing a security audit to the new CIS 2 standard, etc. And I didn't feel all that well this morning, about as sexy as a turd.  So mitda didn't get any real one on one time, and tonight I want to spend the evening with the whole family to relax prior to a week of work that is going to be at the minimum long, busy and stressful.

Speaking of miscellaneous offspring, emelina's two sons are here currently, both are mildly autistic, the older more than the younger.  The younger child stays here semi-permanently, as he goes to school here and has his main life here.  The older lives most of the time in North Carolina with his bio-dad and will be returning there in a couple of weeks.  This is my first time meeting the older one, and he seems like a nice kid, albeit with a few quirks.  The younger one is one of the best kids I've ever met, and despite the autism is in the average grade for his age and pulling in A's and B's. 

mitda and I never procreated,either together or separately in previous relationships, so the miscellaneous offspring really consist of emelina's two sons from a previous marriage and E.'s two sons from a previous marriage.  E.'s youngest was here for a little while during the time that both of emelina's were in North Carolina, and he has some issues.  The older son is really an adult at this point, and is joining us in a few weeks for the indefinite future, having just graduated HS and preparing for a possible entrance into the military. 

This new addition to the on-premesis family will also put difficulties on one on one time, mostly due to lack of space in the house for anyone to couple off to.  It will be interesting to see how playtime gets accomplished, but at the very least we won't have to keep our situation secret from E.'s son as he is old enough and chill enough to deal with it in an adult manner.

Mitdasein

Dicing up the Dom

In order to avoid any issues between them mitda and emelina have diced up my time.  Evenings go to emelina, mornings to mitda.  mitda and I wake around 4am anyway, so we have time in the mornings for coffee, playtime, fucking, whatever, and emelina takes care of me after work, showering me, putting my workthings away, etc.  I usually sleep between them at night, while emelina's husband sleeps on the other side of her.

It's a rather odd feeling to have my time sliced and diced this way.  As slaves mitda and emelina have no rights to my person, only the privileges I give them.  But at the same time they only have the obligations to each other that I put on them, that and the fact that they do love each other quite a bit, and did prior to emelina joining the D/s side of our relationship.  

We will see how this arrangement works out.  It has only been a few days, so it is too soon to tell at the moment whether it will at all work out.  The main issue I have is missing the two of them together, whether as slaves, lovers or friends they are a joy to me to watch together, and I will find ways to bring that about as much as possible.  E., emelina's husband, has again been wonderful about the situation.  He has the self confidence and self knowledge necessary to accept that both his wife and his girlfriend are owned by someone, even though the personal desire either to own or be owned is simply not something he possesses.

Mitdasein

When the Dom has to dom.

I was wrong in my last post regarding emelina, she was as upset as mitda about my lapse in responsibility (http://mypoly-bilife.blogspot.com/2007/07/missing-master.html). Having an M/s relationship 24/7 has become a 24/7 responsibility. Which in general I love. And even when things aren't going perfectly and I doubt my abilities I can't renege on that responsibility, not even for a few hours. emelina posted in the comments on my blog that her day goes best when she is taken in hand. mitda wrote in her own blog something that should be a lesson to all Masters, or those considering that as a lifestyle (http://quietknowledge.wordpress.com/2007/07/04/6/). E. was equaniminous throughout all of this, as he usually is. He loves to dom in the bedroom but doesn't want my life outside of it, lol.

Thank you to both of my slaves for putting up with my error and coming home when asked to resume their duties.

Mitdasein

When the Dom doesn't want to dom.

Some days one isn't fit for anything. Today I'm not fit to be a Dom. I have little to say to my slaves and no particular desires or wants for them to serve. I've therefore given them the day off and essentially asked to be left alone.

This is a difficult thing for some slaves, not for others. emelina doesn't seem to particularly mind, while mitda is rather upset by the whole thing. In any event there's not a lot I can do about it at the moment. We will see how I feel tomorrow morning.

It is the 4th of July. Perhaps everyone needs a holiday.

Mitdasein

Dominance and Abuse

Dominants get a lot of flack.  We're accused of being "spousal abusers with an excuse", or "sadists with a philosophy".  The thing is, anger is a huge part of abuse, and lack of control the other major factor.  Sadists get off on pain, domination is a tool.   Dominants get off on control and domination, bondage, discipline and sado-masochism are tools of that control.  Submissives or slaves want, crave, need that control, discipline and domination from their Masters.

Not that this post will convince anyone who doesn't know and understand someone involved in internal enslavement or total domination. 

When it doesn't go right ...

Even in the best BDSM relationships, dominants with the best slaves, submissives happy and adoring of their masters, sometimes things don't go right ...

Today we played and it didn't go right.  Maybe mitda wasn't in the right frame of mind, after all she had her day put out of rhythm by emmie and I being home.  She'll get used to emmie being home but the Master being home on a work day always upsets things.  Anyway we played and neither of us could get properly prepped or into it.  And it didn't work.  She got nowhere near subspace and I got nowhere near domspace.  Yes there is such a thing.

I'm still learning, and so are mitda and emmie.  Perhaps I should have used my hands instead of toys, to gauge her response.  But shoulds aren't the answer.  We all have to continue to learn our places and each other.

A Blah Tuesday

Last week, after many years of avoiding psychiatry, emelina was diagnosed with a number of complaints (no, sexual deviancy wasn't among them).  Aside from the shock of actually dealing with a diagnosis, she has been dealing with the side effects of the medication she was put on and hasn't managed a day of work since, although she has tried going into work twice now. 

Family income isn't really a big issue at the moment.  We can survive off my income and E's income quite nicely.  It would be great if emelina can get disability but nobody's really getting their hopes up on that, we know too much about the SSA and their methods of avoiding awarding disability, especially to psych. patients.

So not the fun type of day we had on Sunday, although we started off the morning with some good group morning sex.  I decided to work from home after realizing I needed to learn some things about my current project code base and didn't want to do that learning in front of my colleagues.

mitda and emelina should be back shortly from the misadventure at work.  I suppose we'll discuss what can be done to either help her get back to functioning or deal with her being at home with mitda.

Motorcycle and then some

Today I took emelina and mitda for a short run on the motorcycle.  This after showing E how to basically ride.  Of course he picked it up right away.  emelina and mitda have taste in other doms.  Afterwards we ate dinner, and then came the most intense non-disciplinary thrashing session with mitda in a long time.  emelina was watching, and then E came in and joined the audience.  mitda was in subspace heaven.  i played with her sphincter with a toy while whipping her, then had her go down as the whipping continued.  To cap it off we had anal with her legs in the air while E took emelina from behind.   Very hot all round.  Now E and emelina are online with their laptops and relaxing while mitda finishes the dishes.  I love my poly M/s family.

Finally!

After a few years and some objections from my primary my poly family agreed to my desire for another motorcycle.  Yes, I could have simply bought one, but sometimes consensus is preferable to domination, even for a dominant.

The bike is a simple one, a good learner bike, and so it will be good for the other male member of the household, who would like to learn but has never ridden one before.   And it was cheap and will keep me happy for the year and a half or so I need to be able to afford the bike I really want.  Hell, anything is fun to ride and as long as it can do the speed limit on any highway I don't actually *need* more. 

Emelina is looking forward to going for rides with me.  Mitda is more circumspect but she seems to have given in to the fact that she *is* going to get on the back of a motorcycle.

- Mitdasein

"Getting Away with It"

From a vanilla person's standpoint showing mercy in the event of a punishable offence is laudable, "nice", etc.  To a dominant it feels irresponsible, and to a slave it feels uncaring and neglectful.  Because I'm not in a dominant mindset 24/7 (just the reality of any 24/7 relationship - you're not always in the mode) I made the crucial mistake of being merciful on a number of occasions, and wound up with two very upset, unsatisfied slaves feeling completely neglected and uncared for.

Punishment for punishable offences has to be dealt out fairly, coldly (never in anger), and consistently.  It is, really, the only way for the slave to feel that their owner cares and would do anything for them.  "Abuse" in a D/s relationship means neglect.  Trying to get this across in the vanilla world would likely end me up in jail.  But it's the reality of my life path.  "Getting away with it" simply cannot be allowed, because all it means to the slave is neglect..

Domestic Discipline

Atlhough mentioned in the description of the blog, I haven't really talked at all about DD in the blog itself.  This week I came up with a list of household tasks (stolen from a Microsoft Excel template - thank you MS, lol) for the two slaves.  It wound up being fairly easy, my just being able to assign basically what each already does, but formalizing it seems to have made the whole quad happier about the needs around the house.

Not that this comes close to the reality of what domestic discipline should mean.  For my new slave it is an impossible ideal while she works full time.  It is a closer reality for mitda, who has not worked outside the home for some time.  The plan is for emelina to enter retirement from outside work later this year and be a full time service girl for me and the other male household member

A Little Time Alone

Tonight we
are going to do the club scene again.  Last weekend was a qualified
success, with emelina and I going to one type of club and mitda and e
going to another to suit different tastes.  Tonight we attempt again to
find one that we all like.  emelina and mitda are currently out
shopping for last minute necessities for the outing.  e and his
youngest kidlet are at Six Flags hopefully getting rather wet and
having a good time.

Living in a poly household, I don't really spend much time alone.  Oh,
I might be in the office while others are in the bedroom or the garage,
but not actually alone in the house.  It's both a relief and a
frustration. 

Vanilla after kink?

The latest post, entitled "Vanilla" on the blog "Confessions of an English Gentleman" (see roll), by an excellent writer on D/s btw, voiced something I had wondered about for a long time. I have personal reasons for disbelieving that such a transformation is possible, and my only experience with someone attempting it is not changing my mind.

Mitdasein

Looking at others' experiences

I've found a couple of interesting blogs by owners/masters, unfortunately one that I related to very well has ceased posting on the subject and, while other parts of his and his partner's life are also great reading I do miss the comments on the subject of D/s, such as the following.


"The problem that I have been having is that a lot of websites dealing with this are mostly dealing with the feelings of the psychology from a submissive point of view. Why is it, that these feelings can easily be classified for submissives, yet there is no website out there that deals with the Dominant side of things. No set of `tools` that would help a Dominant understand these issues and help them to enhance the relationship. It's almost like Doms are to know-it-all. Aren't we humans after all? Do we not have our own issues and emotional bagage to deal with?

I guess that is one of the major parts I am struggling with, at the moment. Do I want more control .. yes but how do I go about implementing this. A good example is `reactance`. It's a description of how a submissive will fight certain aspects of the control. But it is not said how a Dom deals with the fact that if the submissive tells him where to stick it. A Dom might be able to tell that the sub is reacting against his orders, but what tools does he have at his disposal?

Does he punish her? This could be one way, but would punishment really deal with the underlying issue? I tend to believe this is certainly not the case. One way would be talking, but what if both parties have talked and debated the issue, and no agreement can be reached? Do you just waltz over the issue and pretend to ignore the muttering and the fingered salute that is given behind your back?

I guess my problem is, that I have trouble at the moment to grasp where to go from here. How to implement structures that increase the submissiveness, without it becoming a forced affair. How to keep the relationship alive and blossoming without grinding it slowly to a halt in stricter and stricter rules.

I was just thinking of a quote I have: From the point of view of a typical dominant, most are also primarily looking for a relationship and many are themselves exploring their dominance as they go, unsure of exactly what they want, or how to teach or even ask it of a submissive, to say nothing of how lost they are when the submissive says no. Their focus is more on finding someone who matches and compliments themselves and then exploring with the submissive only what interests them. I am not sure where this comes from or who the orginal source is, but it is true in a way."

I'm not going to bother with the link as the blog owner has specifically said he is no longer interested in discussing his D/s relationship, he is just living it. Another blog that is being kept up has had a couple of good posts but I'm reserving judgment until I read a few more, if I still like it I'll add it to my blogroll.

Mitdasein

M. is back

I haven't asked for details but apparently mitda and her M. have made up. I'm glad and not at the same time, glad for mitda and for M., a little un-glad for myself, as it means mitda is still at the behest of two masters.

Of course I can't complain, since with emelina I now have two permanent live in subs. Emelena is also taking the lead of the 3 of us in really investigating the bdsm lifestyle, something mitda and I have steered around to this point. You can see some results of this on the web page with the bdsm flag now proudly flown and our association to Austin GWNN (group with no name) noted on the sidebar.

One thing with researching bdsm online is the number of people whose posts lead one to believe that either they a) live in a Gorean fantasy world or b) are full of crap about their real life D/s experiences, especially in a permanent live-in situation.

I've read things on reactance where the writer (a slave) says her reactance "increases" when an important freedom is withheld or completely taken away, such as being locked in the cell on days where she is supposed to go to work (!). Either they are in no need of her income and her dom is trying to get her fired, or he is an idiot. And if he doesn't want her to work, then why not simply order her, as her master, to leave her job?

more later
Das

End of the M. ?

When I met my wife and sub, she was involved in a D/s relationship with another woman. Eventually the woman involved "gave" her to me as a collared girl, but retained her position as my wife's mastress.

This created an interesting situation, to be sure, but since the mastress lived over a thousand miles away their relationship was confined to online time and phone conversations, much as ours had been until mitda packed up from L.A. and moved to Toronto to live with me.

Even online relationships suffer from the impingements of reality such as lack of time to spend together, and not feeling at least "as" preferred by one's partner relative to their other committments. And this seems in fact to have happened to my wife and her mastress. Since it is easier to avoid someone online than someone one happens to live with, my wife, after writing a damning email, simply stopped being available by IM or phone to her mastress.

This has put me in a bit of a quandary. In general masters/doms support one another, and a sub, even if no longer collared, just walking away is an odd position for a master to be put in. But I empathize with my wife's reasons as well.

m. mitdasein

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