Finally!

After a few years and some objections from my primary my poly family agreed to my desire for another motorcycle.  Yes, I could have simply bought one, but sometimes consensus is preferable to domination, even for a dominant.

The bike is a simple one, a good learner bike, and so it will be good for the other male member of the household, who would like to learn but has never ridden one before.   And it was cheap and will keep me happy for the year and a half or so I need to be able to afford the bike I really want.  Hell, anything is fun to ride and as long as it can do the speed limit on any highway I don't actually *need* more. 

Emelina is looking forward to going for rides with me.  Mitda is more circumspect but she seems to have given in to the fact that she *is* going to get on the back of a motorcycle.

- Mitdasein

"Getting Away with It"

From a vanilla person's standpoint showing mercy in the event of a punishable offence is laudable, "nice", etc.  To a dominant it feels irresponsible, and to a slave it feels uncaring and neglectful.  Because I'm not in a dominant mindset 24/7 (just the reality of any 24/7 relationship - you're not always in the mode) I made the crucial mistake of being merciful on a number of occasions, and wound up with two very upset, unsatisfied slaves feeling completely neglected and uncared for.

Punishment for punishable offences has to be dealt out fairly, coldly (never in anger), and consistently.  It is, really, the only way for the slave to feel that their owner cares and would do anything for them.  "Abuse" in a D/s relationship means neglect.  Trying to get this across in the vanilla world would likely end me up in jail.  But it's the reality of my life path.  "Getting away with it" simply cannot be allowed, because all it means to the slave is neglect..

Domestic Discipline

Atlhough mentioned in the description of the blog, I haven't really talked at all about DD in the blog itself.  This week I came up with a list of household tasks (stolen from a Microsoft Excel template - thank you MS, lol) for the two slaves.  It wound up being fairly easy, my just being able to assign basically what each already does, but formalizing it seems to have made the whole quad happier about the needs around the house.

Not that this comes close to the reality of what domestic discipline should mean.  For my new slave it is an impossible ideal while she works full time.  It is a closer reality for mitda, who has not worked outside the home for some time.  The plan is for emelina to enter retirement from outside work later this year and be a full time service girl for me and the other male household member

A Little Time Alone

Tonight we
are going to do the club scene again.  Last weekend was a qualified
success, with emelina and I going to one type of club and mitda and e
going to another to suit different tastes.  Tonight we attempt again to
find one that we all like.  emelina and mitda are currently out
shopping for last minute necessities for the outing.  e and his
youngest kidlet are at Six Flags hopefully getting rather wet and
having a good time.

Living in a poly household, I don't really spend much time alone.  Oh,
I might be in the office while others are in the bedroom or the garage,
but not actually alone in the house.  It's both a relief and a
frustration. 

Vanilla after kink?

The latest post, entitled "Vanilla" on the blog "Confessions of an English Gentleman" (see roll), by an excellent writer on D/s btw, voiced something I had wondered about for a long time. I have personal reasons for disbelieving that such a transformation is possible, and my only experience with someone attempting it is not changing my mind.

Mitdasein

Looking at others' experiences

I've found a couple of interesting blogs by owners/masters, unfortunately one that I related to very well has ceased posting on the subject and, while other parts of his and his partner's life are also great reading I do miss the comments on the subject of D/s, such as the following.


"The problem that I have been having is that a lot of websites dealing with this are mostly dealing with the feelings of the psychology from a submissive point of view. Why is it, that these feelings can easily be classified for submissives, yet there is no website out there that deals with the Dominant side of things. No set of `tools` that would help a Dominant understand these issues and help them to enhance the relationship. It's almost like Doms are to know-it-all. Aren't we humans after all? Do we not have our own issues and emotional bagage to deal with?

I guess that is one of the major parts I am struggling with, at the moment. Do I want more control .. yes but how do I go about implementing this. A good example is `reactance`. It's a description of how a submissive will fight certain aspects of the control. But it is not said how a Dom deals with the fact that if the submissive tells him where to stick it. A Dom might be able to tell that the sub is reacting against his orders, but what tools does he have at his disposal?

Does he punish her? This could be one way, but would punishment really deal with the underlying issue? I tend to believe this is certainly not the case. One way would be talking, but what if both parties have talked and debated the issue, and no agreement can be reached? Do you just waltz over the issue and pretend to ignore the muttering and the fingered salute that is given behind your back?

I guess my problem is, that I have trouble at the moment to grasp where to go from here. How to implement structures that increase the submissiveness, without it becoming a forced affair. How to keep the relationship alive and blossoming without grinding it slowly to a halt in stricter and stricter rules.

I was just thinking of a quote I have: From the point of view of a typical dominant, most are also primarily looking for a relationship and many are themselves exploring their dominance as they go, unsure of exactly what they want, or how to teach or even ask it of a submissive, to say nothing of how lost they are when the submissive says no. Their focus is more on finding someone who matches and compliments themselves and then exploring with the submissive only what interests them. I am not sure where this comes from or who the orginal source is, but it is true in a way."

I'm not going to bother with the link as the blog owner has specifically said he is no longer interested in discussing his D/s relationship, he is just living it. Another blog that is being kept up has had a couple of good posts but I'm reserving judgment until I read a few more, if I still like it I'll add it to my blogroll.

Mitdasein

M. is back

I haven't asked for details but apparently mitda and her M. have made up. I'm glad and not at the same time, glad for mitda and for M., a little un-glad for myself, as it means mitda is still at the behest of two masters.

Of course I can't complain, since with emelina I now have two permanent live in subs. Emelena is also taking the lead of the 3 of us in really investigating the bdsm lifestyle, something mitda and I have steered around to this point. You can see some results of this on the web page with the bdsm flag now proudly flown and our association to Austin GWNN (group with no name) noted on the sidebar.

One thing with researching bdsm online is the number of people whose posts lead one to believe that either they a) live in a Gorean fantasy world or b) are full of crap about their real life D/s experiences, especially in a permanent live-in situation.

I've read things on reactance where the writer (a slave) says her reactance "increases" when an important freedom is withheld or completely taken away, such as being locked in the cell on days where she is supposed to go to work (!). Either they are in no need of her income and her dom is trying to get her fired, or he is an idiot. And if he doesn't want her to work, then why not simply order her, as her master, to leave her job?

more later
Das